MISSIONARY JOURNAL – I NEED TO GO SO I CAN GROW

Wed. 12-2-09 / 1:50pm @ my desk @ work (Awardmaster)

So monday, my dad said the oft-repeated quip from many people who encounter someone who wants to go into missions: “Well you know there’s alot of need here in the States.” Let me begin by saying that I agree, there IS alot of need. And we do need people to be domestic missionaries. However, I cannot do what I think I want to do. I have to do what God calls me to do, since this is the only way I’ll find the fulfillment I desire. My way of finding this fulfillment has been to investigate different paths. Up until recently, I had not found that thing, that “calling” which fulfills me. Had tried lots of different things, to no avail. I’ve had opportunities (5 times before the Mexico mission) to go on short term mission trips. I enjoyed all of them b/c I love to travel and see the world. Perhaps the deeper goal of bringing people closer to Jesus was what made it so special.But not even at those times did I feel like “Ah! I’ve found my heart’s desire.” I was probably not at a point yet where I was ready to feel that.

Fast forward to the present day. I’ve since tried college (graduated), the family business, and the seminary. All great experiences, but none of them ever really grabbed me. There were also a few relationships that I was in. All of them were great blessings b/c of what I learned from them. And while I do feel called and feel a strong desire for the married life, I don’t think at any point during those relationships that I was really ready for it. Whether it’s getting married, or evangelizing all whom I encounter, I just don’t have the skills I need. I think with marriage and relationships, I need to be in love with the Lord in order for the one whom God has chosen for me to be able to fall in love with me and me with her.

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