Posts Tagged With: fulfillment

Testimony of my 2nd year in missions

I’m at the point where I feel like I just have to do. I can’t sit around and wait for a big voice from the sky to tell me out loud what I must do. I feel this way because I think God wants me to know how to step out in faith. This is one of the main things that I think the Lord has wanted to teach me in my 2nd year of missions. I’m tired of sitting around and waiting for the God-given desires of my heart to fall into my lap and be fulfilled. I want to go out and get them. I want to seek and find. I want to play an active role in my journey of faith, fulfillment, and salvation. I need to know that I’m exercising my free-will to the best of my abilities, that it’s not withering up.

My second year of missions has also been a time of intense growth and learning. At times it has been painful. It has ALWAYS been fruitful. Spiritual inertia is something that’s very hard to conquer. Disobedience relentlessly persecutes the human soul. Impatience robs us of the present moment. I’ve had to deal with all three of those things this year. Having to immerse myself in a new culture and language took a toll on me. Living with someone very different than me who is many years my junior was tough. Having little or no funds, and for much of the time being in the negative, was extremely difficult and humiliating. Realizing that I’m not the easiest person to live with was a blow to my ego. Knowing that I was judgmental towards the poor was a punch to the proverbial gut. Add to that a failed relationship and the very real after-effects, and things didn’t get any easier.

Now if you take everything I’ve said so far at face-value, it could possibly paint a very depressing picture. But with God, it’s not just about the superficial. In all of the growth and learning, the suffering has not been for naught. It has been through the cross, and that’s how I know it has value. That’s how I know it’s been of great benefit to me and hopefully for the people in my life. And I’ve known for months now that something big is about to happen. Someway somehow I’m about to turn a big corner in my life. It’s an exciting feeling and I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me.

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MISSIONARY JOURNAL – I NEED TO GO SO I CAN GROW

Wed. 12-2-09 / 1:50pm @ my desk @ work (Awardmaster)

So monday, my dad said the oft-repeated quip from many people who encounter someone who wants to go into missions: “Well you know there’s alot of need here in the States.” Let me begin by saying that I agree, there IS alot of need. And we do need people to be domestic missionaries. However, I cannot do what I think I want to do. I have to do what God calls me to do, since this is the only way I’ll find the fulfillment I desire. My way of finding this fulfillment has been to investigate different paths. Up until recently, I had not found that thing, that “calling” which fulfills me. Had tried lots of different things, to no avail. I’ve had opportunities (5 times before the Mexico mission) to go on short term mission trips. I enjoyed all of them b/c I love to travel and see the world. Perhaps the deeper goal of bringing people closer to Jesus was what made it so special.But not even at those times did I feel like “Ah! I’ve found my heart’s desire.” I was probably not at a point yet where I was ready to feel that.

Fast forward to the present day. I’ve since tried college (graduated), the family business, and the seminary. All great experiences, but none of them ever really grabbed me. There were also a few relationships that I was in. All of them were great blessings b/c of what I learned from them. And while I do feel called and feel a strong desire for the married life, I don’t think at any point during those relationships that I was really ready for it. Whether it’s getting married, or evangelizing all whom I encounter, I just don’t have the skills I need. I think with marriage and relationships, I need to be in love with the Lord in order for the one whom God has chosen for me to be able to fall in love with me and me with her.

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