Posts Tagged With: growth


This first part of my 12/14 entry is 1 of 2 pages. Some of it may not seem like it has anything to do with my missionary journal, but i can assure you, anything that has anything to do with my personal growth (or lack thereof) is relevant to my missionary journey. Also, NAMES have been omitted to protect the privacy of others.

12-14-09 Monday / 6:15am @ CC’s Coffee on Johnston St

News to report! For the first time since we broke up back in the end of July, me and (name omitted) actually talked on the phone for at least 15 minutes and had a real conversation. It was a really huge blessing for me. Just knowing that we could talk as friends and knowing that life was treating her good was a good thing for me. The low points of the conversation were A) if felt at times a bit awkward and forced b/c it had been so long since we had talk and b/c the last time we talked for more than 30 seconds on the phone was when we had the “break-up” phone call, & B) I realized I’m still getting over her. It’s not like I WANT to not get over her, it’s not like i WANT to wallow in self-pity and regret. I truly don’t.

I want to recognize the blessing that it was and be able to move on. Sometimes I even feel like I idolize this problem (as I’ve done with other problems) by focusing so much on this “being unhealed” and struggling with it, that instead of receiving healing and moving on I end up using it (the struggle) as a way to hold on.

Back to positives, she asked again about my discernment of joining FMC for Intake 2010. It felt good to have a friend ask about me going into missions. Not to sound egocentric, but I love the opportunity to talk about it and share with others. It helps me to get excited and also by talking about it, it helps me to further discern and evaluate. The main points I touched upon were that A) I didn’t want to work at the shop and take it over, and B) going away on missions would help me to let go in faith and trust that God, on his time, will bless me with the desires of my heart. Last night we didn’t have a lifeteen meeting, and since I had seen my fellow coreteam members Friday and Saturday night for the Christmas parties, I decided to go to 6pm Mass at Wisdom.

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12-2-09 (final installment)

The fact that I found the grace, in the midst of foreign missions, to be carefree, patient, and trust in God, was a sign to me that “Hey, maybe this is where God wants me so my faith can flourish”. I left the trip with a firm desire to continue to develop patience along with my missionary zeal. As far as zeal goes, I think we’re good to go. Patience, on the other hand, is another story. I realize that lasting growth is slow and steady, but it just plain sucks that I failed so miserably today. In one discussion at work today with a coworker that started to get heated, not only was I wrong, but to add the proverbial salt to my wound, he acted how I should have, keeping his cool and patience.

In another heated discussion with another co-worker, I was correct in what I was saying, but the way in which I said it negated any good that could have come from the point I was trying to make. And in retrospect, I wasn’t even completely correct, cuz in making my point, I realized I had adopted the very selfish and self-righteous attitude I was railing against. The good thing about all of this is that I knowit’s God’s grace that is allowing me to see these “ugly” areas that I need to work on. If I couldn’t see them and be exposed to the unpleasant truth of how far I have to go, then my bliss would be the absolute epitome of ignorance. At least I’ve got Mission Formation to look forward to tonight! 🙂 It’s the commissioning Mass for this year’s Intake, and will probably be one of the last few times I see any of them for quite awhile. Till next time……..God Bless!

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